Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Just another day.

There are some days in your life that stick out more than others. A graduation, a wedding, a birth of a child, just to name a few. Days that make you smile or bring a tear to your eye because of the joy you felt.

There are other days that stick in your mind as well. Days that you will forever remember where you were or what you were doing. A presidential assassination or attempt, a space shuttle exploding, a plane hitting a tower.

Today is one of those days for me. Twelve years ago I was standing in a high school gymnasium where we had just gotten news that his organ's had been donated and he was gone.

May 6th.

For years I would dread the weeks and days leading up to today. I would be teary eyed and be in a funk.

But today it was different.

I didn't have any of that leading up to today. In fact it was quite a shock when I looked at the calendar and said, "May 6th. Why do I know that date?"

I felt bad when I realized it. Like I had been unfaithful to him and to my grief.

It's still there of course. But just like an injury, the grief is faded now. The swelling has gone away and it's no longer the nasty jagged eyesore it once was. Now it's just a faded white line that you have to remember which arm it's on when you go to show someone and tell them the story.

I guess time does heal all wounds. Well at least to the point that sometimes you have to look for the scar.


I'm adding instead of editing. It was actually fourteen years ago. Twelve years ago is when he should have graduated. Fourteen is just one year short of how many years he had been alive.


thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy said...

Incredibly well said. Funny how at the end of April I always realize what's coming up in May. And yet, then, sometimes the day itself will pass like any other, and it's another day or two before I remember what I forgot.

Robyn said...

How poignant. Yet cryptic.

XOXO said...

Fourteen not twelve (you're older than you think), almost his age. How has this much time passed? I remember saying time would heal, but I never wanted to forget. I won't ever forget, but it's true time does heal. The lump in my throat is gone. I can smell the smells and see different sights and not get a pit in my stomach. On the 6th I nonchalantly mentioned to my beau what that day was. I didn't need to discuss it, I just wanted him to know. The question still remains, what do I do with his jerseys?