Fleas on my Dog

I'll probably be scarce for the next couple of weeks. Holiday festivites and all of that.

(I'll wait while you dry your eyes)

But before I go.... I wanted to wish you a happy and safe holiday season.

Or in the words of the Chief.... (sung to Feliz Navidad)..... I simply say

FLEAS ON MY DOG. FLEAS ON MY DOG.

I don't really know what else he would say here. I'm normally tuning him out at this point. But you get the idea!

Merry Christmas!

A letter to the Wii scalpers worldwide

Dear Selfish Bastards,

I'll be waiting. The day after Christmas when the demand drops off and you are left trying to get back your purchase price, instead of the over inflated amount you are trying to get on EBAY right now. I'll be waiting.

I OBVIOUSLY don't love my children or spouse enough to pay double or triple the retail price that some of those other "suckers" are willing to pay. They weren't THAT good this year.

I'll be waiting. And not in the freezing cold like you probably did. But in the comfort of my own home.

Signed,

A student of Supply and Demand

Dear Santa

This year, will you please bring her some self-respect?

Love,

Me

Worth a thousand words...

I call this picture...

"So let me get this straight, there's this old guy and he sees me when I'm sleeping, knows when I'm awake, and you're OK WITH THAT?"

and this one

"Back off the gifts and no one gets hurt!"

That's what she said.

A friend today emailed me and at the end said, well I got to go. I have some "chopping" to do. I assume she meant "shopping" but the "chopping" thought reminded me of a funny little story.

I SWEAR it is true.

I couldn't make this up!

Basically it is how I knew I was in the wrong small group at church. My older sister and I were in there because she didn't want to go alone so I agreed to go with her. The timing of this group worked out for us. Unfortunately the other people in there were all couples and all my parents age. The woman in this story was actually the mom of a guy I graduated high school with.

The conversation went a little something like this.

Small Group Leader: Has anyone ever done something unexpected and nice for you?

Friend's Mom: Well when we were dating, Larry used to bring me wood.

(Startled gasp which I every so discreetly turned into a choking fit)

Friend's mom: It was such a nice surprise. He would just show up at my house and have wood.

(full body shaking by me, apparently it was contagious because my sister was catching it too. I didn't dare look at her)

Small Group Leader: Now that you are married he doesn't bring you wood anymore?

Friend's Mom: Nope, he hasn't just shown up with wood in years.

The burns from the lightening strike I suffered that night have nearly healed.

I'm seriously irked.

First of all, who in their right mind makes candy canes that are cherry flavored? Secondly, if they are going to be THAT insane and make them cherry flavored why would they make them red and green? Cherry flavored food should be colored accordingly. (And don't give me that crap about the leaves being green)

I don't like red flavors, I like green flavors. If you know me, you probably know that.

Candy Canes should be peppermint flavored. If you want to make a stick of candy with a different flavor, make it a different shape.

Incase you haven't put it together yet, I was tricked into buying some of those crappy cherry candy canes. I didn't notice the words "cherry flavored" until after I had made my candy.

Ho Ho Freakin Ho

Perspective

I got on the scale this morning and had an e-tif-a-knee. (much the same as an epihany, but with more sarcasm). If my IQ results were the same as my weight, I would be thrilled.

So why wasn't I happier when I saw that I was finally back in the same "decade" I was in pre-Murph? Infact, I'm really pretty close to where I was to start.

I read an except from a Hollywood starlet yesterday who had been receiving flack about some recent pictures showing a bit of cellulite. "We know what you ATE last summer" the mean spirited writers said. She's a size 2. By 5th grade I was a size 5.

Yesterday Murph had his 6 month checkup, and I was happy to hear he had gained 13 ounces in the last month. I had even hoped for more. Isn't it strange how our perspective can change?

I've decided to swim the English Channel. I'm not exactly sure when that will happen. And I don't really have time to start training right now. But when I do, I'm going to be prepared with the extra few pounds I haven't yet lost from the baby.

What would you do with a Drunken Sailor?

Yesterday two things happened that made me laugh.

1) I received an email from Optimus Prime (Transformers) alerting me that my hubby was on the battle front and that my so called "sibbling" might have joined the Decepticons.

2) He proudly told me that he created a new baseball team and named them the "Butt Smellios". Their team nickname is the "Farts"

God Love the Chief!