Mommy Moments

Yesterday I had changed Murph out of his jammies into clothes. He likes to "help" with the laundry so I was letting him carry the pajamas down the hall to where I was doing the laundry. I was walking in front of him and all of a sudden I heard a THUD! I looked around to find my brilliant little boy had put the pajamas over his head and walked straight into a wall! If I wouldn't have been laughing so hard I would have probably felt bad! I rushed back and took the jammies off his head to find him looking at me with a "What the hell just happened" expression. Thank goodness he has those gorgeous blue eyes!

One summer when I was about 10 nearly my entire family was struck down by pneumonia. It was probably the most miserable I had ever been. I can remember the moment it hit me and how terrible I felt for what seemed like weeks.

During that time I learned a very valuable lesson from my dad. "If you are going to eat something when sick, you might as well eat something that makes pretty puke" I know. He's a deep, deep man. But this was the advice he gave me right before getting me a bowl of strawberries. (Which did indeed make.....well you get the picture). Yesterday, Murph followed Grandpa's advice. He has a tendency to shove as much into his mouth as possible, which sometimes leads to gagging and regurgitation. Rainbow goldfish. I'll stop there or else you'll never again eat confetti icing on your cupcakes.

How do you know you are a mom? When you write a blog entry about vomit.

I miss....

Be kind, Rewind
Not feeling naked without a cell phone
Sleeping through the night
Eating anything I wanted without reading a label
Wearing clothes with an odd number size
Being able to go to work still smelling like the evening before and having that be "cool"
Being able to hit a round number on the gas pump. Because it's damn near impossible to go from .96 to .00.
Respect. Because even at my bitchiest, I was always repectful to my "elders"

I know I'm committed (or need committed) because...

It's nearly summer. (I say that on a less than "summery day", but go with it). And with the change of season comes the much anticipated change of wardrobe. Now this is NOT to say that I love my summer wardrobe. More it's that I HATE my winter wardrobe that much (to be fair come fall I'll feel the same way about my summer wardrobe).

Digression.

But the other morning I had decided to wear a pair of Capri's. So non committal the Capri. Not quite a pant.... not a cellulite showing short.... Maybe it's the lack of commitment that draws me to those half pants.

Digression

So I had laid out the pants and realized that the reason my legs weren't cold is that they weren't bare. No, they had a bit of stubble to them. So in the shower I lathered up lefty (we'll call her Mary-Kate), grabbed my razor, and began. It didn't take more than 2 swipes to know that this razor was past it's prime. The spattering of blood droplets was my first clue.

Dilemma.

Do I A) step out of the shower dripping wet in search of a new razor (with hopes that there IS a new razor) B) Wear something else. C) Carry on and suck it up.

I carried on. I finished Mary-Kate and started and finished Ashley. With all the red spots you would have thought I had the measles.

If nothing else. You HAVE to admire my dedication to the capri.

Knock, schmock!

I should apologize to those who've heard this story before, and of course to the Chief since he gets tired of me sharing all the stories about him.

So I'm sorry Chiefy Dear. But not sorry enough to stop.

We live in a rental house that is fine, but has some quirks.

Like the bathroom doors don't latch all the way. And if say an 11 month old pushes on them, they will spring open. Suppose this wouldn't be a big deal, but we are very private pee-ers in our house.

Last night Chief literally ran down the hallway to get to the bathroom in the hopes that Murph wouldn't follow.

No luck.

Murph is obsessed with Daddy right now and wants to be where he is!

So of course a few moments later I hear the startled cry from Chief when his "business" is interrupted! I can't help but laugh! Almost as funny as when he was doing a sit down job and Murph burst in! I can just imagine his shocked face!

He would like me to feel bad for him.

People in Hell would like ice water.

Just another day.

There are some days in your life that stick out more than others. A graduation, a wedding, a birth of a child, just to name a few. Days that make you smile or bring a tear to your eye because of the joy you felt.

There are other days that stick in your mind as well. Days that you will forever remember where you were or what you were doing. A presidential assassination or attempt, a space shuttle exploding, a plane hitting a tower.

Today is one of those days for me. Twelve years ago I was standing in a high school gymnasium where we had just gotten news that his organ's had been donated and he was gone.

May 6th.

For years I would dread the weeks and days leading up to today. I would be teary eyed and be in a funk.

But today it was different.

I didn't have any of that leading up to today. In fact it was quite a shock when I looked at the calendar and said, "May 6th. Why do I know that date?"

I felt bad when I realized it. Like I had been unfaithful to him and to my grief.

It's still there of course. But just like an injury, the grief is faded now. The swelling has gone away and it's no longer the nasty jagged eyesore it once was. Now it's just a faded white line that you have to remember which arm it's on when you go to show someone and tell them the story.

I guess time does heal all wounds. Well at least to the point that sometimes you have to look for the scar.

~~~~~~~

I'm adding instead of editing. It was actually fourteen years ago. Twelve years ago is when he should have graduated. Fourteen is just one year short of how many years he had been alive.